I would say the rhyme scheme sounds slightly forced and a bit too thought out. Let the verse flow as easily as its content.. :)
which one seemed to be forced ?!
"melancholity", it sounded abrupt as if squeezed into a rhyme.
actually now i understand it on reading again and again. the problem is with the punctuation. for eg. is the question "why" asked to the cloud or are you a cloud floating away?. or were you proud or the cloud proud?. i am a bit confused.
Meloncholity was deliberately put in to make it rhyme ... it adds to the frivolous nature of the poem ... creatively twisting language is an art ... by the way, a friend of mine who is doing a PhD in English; his favorite part of the poem was specifically that word ...
I expected you to be smarter ... :X
i am still confused about the punctuation? explain kor re.. :/
melancholity sounds good on its own. But somehow within the poem it sounds odd, maybe because i am not getting the punctuations and thus the flow and meaning.
I have been always bad with punctuation ... do the honors :-)
And I remember the mood of Wordsworth, as his heart dances with the daffodils.
BA, Wordsworth's Daffodils is one of my favorite poem, and was surely an inspiration for this poem ... :-)
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